3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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