Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
