my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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