last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
