he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
