ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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