I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
