he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
