Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
