i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
