It's Friday. Sex?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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