I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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