I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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