I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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