Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
