Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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