it was like his penis was on wheels.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
