Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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