i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
