I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
