through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
