we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
