why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Randomize