So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
