just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
