We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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