PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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