it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
