remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
