i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
there is glitter all over my balls
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
