Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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