We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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