so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
