she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize