dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
