You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
