well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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