Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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