We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
These tits shall not be calmed
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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