Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
