i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
