In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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