I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I need a burrito and a hug.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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