its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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