I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
if only i could text you this smell
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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