your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Randomize
