im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
