Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
