So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
