you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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