When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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