tonight lets celebrate not being married
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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