What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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