Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
