She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
