If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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