Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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