its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
