Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
