Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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