We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
