So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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