shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
