So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My pussy is not your playground.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I AM VODKA MAN
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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