My first STD was from a foam party
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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