I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
