woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
