i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
