doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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