Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
