I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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