she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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